


Healing Wounds

by Sincestiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abortion, Discussion of Abortion, Implied/Referenced Abortion, M/M, Mpreg, Sibling Incest, Wincest - Freeform, spnkinkmeme fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-16
Updated: 2014-03-16
Packaged: 2018-01-15 21:53:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1320523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sincestiel/pseuds/Sincestiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How convenient.  Dean's body decides to do something that is almost impossible right at the worst possible time.  Lovely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Healing Wounds

**Author's Note:**

> I've never attempted MPreg before and it's not really my thing. But this prompt really called to me due to the subject matter. So I tried my hand at it. And, in case you missed it in the MANY tags indicating it, this is about abortion. Dean coming to the decision to abort and not backing down from it. So if that's a trigger for you or you have an issue with abortion, please do not read. Also, please note, I do not mean for this to start a discussion on the rights and wrongs of abortion or the legality of the procedure. I absolutely will not tolerate ANY negative comments on the subject (though I can and will graciously accept criticism of the work itself). Any comments obviously aimed to instigate, antagonize, or otherwise incite any type of comment debate war will be deleted. Understand that this is fiction and fiction only. Absolutely no fetuses were harmed during the writing of this work of _fiction_. Be respectful. Be polite. Or move along. Thank you.
> 
> [Link to original prompt and posting.](http://spnkink-meme.livejournal.com/83218.html?thread=31223570#t31223570)

If this had happened even two months ago, Dean would probably be thrilled. Not because he really has ever wanted kids. But Sam does. Badly. And even if he says that's not something he thinks about anymore, Dean knows he's lying. He can see it in his eyes every time they pass a baby in a stroller or some random kid covered in ice cream. Sam wants that life. And Dean, even if it isn't something he wanted from the beginning, wants to give Sam everything.

But this is not the time. Hell, Sam hasn't even touched him in weeks. They've had so little intimate contact as of late that he can pinpoint exactly when this happened. Sam had said it would be the last time. But he's said that before so Dean didn't really believe him. He's starting to now.

How convenient. Dean's body decides to do something that is almost impossible right at the worst possible time. Lovely. It's early still though. And, fortunately for him, male pregnancies are deemed 'dangerous' enough to allow an elective termination well past when would be legal for a woman. So he's good.

Kind of.

Part of him wants to think this would be the thing to bring them back together. But that's wishful thinking and he knows it. Part of him thinks he should just go it alone. Have the kid and try his hand at parenting. But he didn't have the best role model when it comes to that and obviously he hasn't done right by Sam. Plus, that's not something you attempt unless you're absolutely sure you can do it. He owes it to this kid to make the right choice. And being raised by him is not a good choice. He considers adoption for all of two seconds. There's just no way. If he had this kid he'd try to raise it because family is family and you don't walk away. So abortion it is. It's just better all the way around and he doesn't really want to be a dad anyway. Not alone.

So it's settled.

But the thing is… well. It's hard. There's right and there's wrong. And then there's the grey stuff. The stuff that could go either way. And this is one of those things. He supposes for most people it's pretty cut and dry. _You made your bed now lie in it._ But that doesn't seem fair to the kid. Because the kid's gotta 'lie in it' too. Not to mention all the lives that will be lost when he's too pregnant to wield a weapon properly. And this isn't exactly the best physical environment to try to carry a child. He'd likely get both of them killed before he could even give birth.

He makes the call.

It's just a one week wait, but it feels like an eternity. He's not wavering. He knows what he has to do and he's going to do it. But he keeps looking at Sam and wondering. If Sam knew, would he try to stop him? Or would he offer to drive him? Would he sit by Dean's side and hold his hand? Tell him everything's going to be okay? Or would he blame Dean for, once again, taking something away that he wants?

Because, the truth is, now that he's thought about this, weighed his options and made the decision that's best for him, he wouldn't change his mind no matter what Sam wanted. But still, he wants to know. Because the answer to those questions would let him know if he and Sam have any kind of future together or if he should just give it up as a lost cause. He can't put this on Sam though, not right now. They're both under a lot of emotional strain and rather than save them, this just might break them.

He keeps his secret.

Keeps it until he can't anymore. 

It's the day before his appointment and everything is in place. He's got a cab scheduled to take him to the clinic and one to pick him up. According to the lady he's talked to several times (Sam would have made a list of questions for the first call, but Dean's never been that organized and he kept thinking of things he wanted to ask) the procedure should take four hours total. He has to view an ultrasound and consult a physician first. Ridiculous. But necessary to have the procedure done legally and safely.

So everything is on track and Sam need never know. Except he wakes up sick as hell. He ends up over the toilet four times in the first two hours he's up and he only has the energy to go from the bed to the bathroom for a good six hours. And this fucking sucks. There's no way he could do this for months on end. Not and stay healthy and strong enough to keep fighting.

He thinks he can hide from Sam for the day. He doesn't know that his sickness would give him away, likely it would just be written off as a stomach bug. But it's better to be safe than sorry. Unfortunately, Sam doesn't let him hide and by the sixth time he's praying to the porcelain gods, Sam's knocking on his door.

"Dean? You okay?"

No. No, he's not okay. He's tired. And hungry. And vomiting everything he tries to eat right back up. And he's hurting. Like, really, really hurting. Because he doesn't want to do this alone. And as sure as he is of his decision, he'd really just like someone to hold his hand. He'd like for Sam to hold his hand. But he's not weak enough to ask for that.

Except maybe he is.

Sam helps get him cleaned up without being asked. He helps Dean through the shower and brings him some chicken broth – which stays down just about a minute longer than the crackers he ate before his last vacation hanging over the bowl. And Sam is just so… _Sammy_ during it all. Cooing and handing him cool washcloths and patting his back as he heaves. For a minute Dean loses himself. He thinks maybe they're okay again. And he opens his big, fat mouth.

"I'm pregnant."

He says it into the toilet. Hears the words echo around his head and waits. And waits. And waits. When Sam's reaction finally comes it's kind of anticlimactic. Sam stands, turns, and walks out the door. And Dean's left to clean up his own mess. Both with his vomit and the pregnancy. Fantastic.

But he's okay. 

He planned on doing this alone anyway. He doesn't need Sam for this. And he never should have said a word because now Sam probably will leave for good. He's probably already gone. Dean curls up on his bed and doesn't dare think about leaving the room. If Sam's stuff is gone he'd rather not know. Not right now.

Sleep doesn't come easily, but it does come, finally.

He sleeps fitfully, dreams of needles and sharp instruments and bright lights and dark screens with grey swirls and he wakes with a start when chains spring from the pristine white floor to tie him to a hospital bed.

And Sam is there.

He's sitting quietly on the edge of Dean's bed with his head dropped low. His hands hang motionless between his knees and he only moves when his chest expands for a breath.

"Sammy?" Dean croaks, voice raw from sleep and maybe, just maybe a few tears before he got there.

Sam jerks and dives for Dean's nightstand.

"Here, a glass of water and some vitamins. They sell prenatal vitamins over the counter, did you know?"

But Sam doesn't wait for a response and instead shoves two pills and a glass of water into Dean's hands.

"And I stocked up on vegetables and yogurt and juice. Even got that brand of bacon you like. But please eat it sparingly. High blood pressure during pregnancy is dangerous and it's an even bigger concern for men. Did you want anything now? Ice cream? I got chocolate sauce and sprinkles."

Sam finally stops to take a breath and Dean is too stunned to react.

"Come on," Sam coaxes, reaching out to press the glass toward Dean's mouth, "Drink up. We need to rehydrate you. And take those vitamins."

Dean can only follow orders because this? This is so unexpected. Sam is… Well, he's being pretty fucking fantastic and if Dean was any stupider than he is, he might think this was exactly what they needed. But you can't bandage a wound that needs stiches and expect it to heal right.

"I'm not keeping it."

He kind of expects Sam to get angry. Figures he probably deserves it, because Sam obviously does want this and he's going to take it away. But he'll take whatever Sam throws at him and go on. He knows what's best for him. And for now, just this once, he has to make a decision for himself without consideration of Sam's feelings. Well, for himself and for a potential child. And this is what's best for them.

But Sam just looks confused for a moment before lowering himself back to the side of Dean's bed. He doesn't say anything as he reaches out to take the pills back, but he does motion for Dean to drink the water.

Keeping his eye on Sam, because an outburst could come at any moment, Dean drinks. And drinks. And drinks. He didn't realize how thirsty he was. But still, Sam says nothing.

When Dean puts the glass on the nightstand, the sound startles Sam into speaking.

"We don't kill innocent people, Dean."

And that statement makes Dean angry for a lot of reasons. This is hard enough without having Sam go all 'every life is precious' on him. But he decides to shelf his anger for the time being.

"I didn't tell you what I was going to do, Sam. How do you know I'm not looking into adoption."

Sam shrugs and says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world, "You don't leave family behind."

"That's right, Sammy. Took you long enough to learn that one. But think about it. This isn't the right time or place in our lives to be trying to raise a kid. This life? Is this what you want to give your kid? Want to raise them just like you were raised? And look at me. I'm _him_ , Sammy. I'm in this for the long haul and I wouldn't stop just because we-"

"You're not _him_!" Sam practically shouts, standing up to pace the room. "You're not. You'd be… god, Dean, you'd be an awesome dad. And I would know, because you've always been more of a father to me than-"

"Don't, Sammy," Dean starts firmly, "Just don't. For a whole shitload of reasons. But mainly because the kid I'm carrying is yours and that's just. Well, creepier than it actually is. And that's another thing. This is kid a product of incest and that's all kinds of fucked up. It'll probably have three eyes and thirteen fingers and too many legs."

He hadn't really thought about that until now. But it's the truth. Probably not the best idea to give birth to a mutant conceived by siblings.

"It's really not that dangerous, Dean. Birth defects are rather rare unless there's a lot of inbreeding going on for generations. And we could settle down here. Hunt on the weekends. I don't know. We'll figure it out."

Sam doesn't seem to understand that he's creating a fantasy. Something that's never going to work.

"And what? Let Cas babysit? I don't think so. And it'd still be dangerous. It's bad enough that I have a soft spot for you and they all know it. What if we had a kid? We can't put a baby in that position. It wouldn't be fair. And we're not in the best spot right now, you and me. You think a baby is just going to fix us? Dude, we can't even agree on what to get on a pizza right now without screaming at each other, how the hell do you think we can agree on how to raise a kid?"

Sam stops in his tracks and for a long moment he just stares at the ceiling. But when he talks again, he's not arguing anymore.

"You're right. I know you're right. It's just difficult, having something like this dangled just out of reach, you know? And if I was going to do this now, have kids, I'd want it to be with you. And here you are, fucking pregnant and that's a miracle in and of itself really, and we can't."

There's hope. Right there. Sammy just gave him more hope than he's had in weeks. Sam wants a family with him. Not just some random girl but him. And he wants it bad enough to put aside every danger and every problem and just go for it.

"We can't right now. But… I mean, maybe later? Maybe when we get this angel thing sorted out we can take a step back and try again? We'll just, like you said, hunt on the weekends. Or just on cases that really catch our eye. We _can_ have this, Sam. This is just really bad timing. Like, might get us or our kid killed timing. And we need to be in a better place before we make that kind of commitment."

Sam nods and he looks defeated but resigned. At least he isn't angry or anxious to play the blame game. And he's not saying no. That's the most important thing. He's not saying he's going to leave. He's staying. Because he wants a life with Dean. And that is all Dean has ever really wanted, his Sammy by his side in whatever why he can have him.

"Okay. So, do we need to make an appointment, or is this like a walk-ins welcome kind of thing?"

He could get in some serious trouble here. So he needs to tread lightly. If Sam finds out he planned on doing this without telling him there will be hell to pay and they'll likely never get where they need to be. And this is a lie he can tell without ever getting caught. The taxis weren't scheduled to pick him up or drop him off here anyway.

"I'm already scheduled for tomorrow. I found out last week and went ahead and called. I was just trying to find the right way to tell you. I didn't know how, not with us… like we are right now. That's not exactly business discussion, you know?"

Sam rolls his eyes and crawls onto the bed from the foot. All the way up to lie beside Dean. And this is the closest they've been in so very long. Dean wants to touch, but he makes his hands stay where they are. He fucked up and Sammy gets to decide when he's allowed back in.

"You weren't going to tell me, were you?"

Honesty. Honesty always fucks him over. Or maybe it's the fact that he's so rarely honest.

"No. I was trying to-"

"Protect me. Like always. Dean, you just need to learn when that's okay and when it's not."

"So, would it be okay if it was to save your life? Am I allowed to protect you then?"

Sam eyes him and Dean sees the weight of what was just said register with him just a moment before he nods, very slowly.

"Okay. Whatever. So it wasn't the worst thing in the world. But you should have told me. I walked around with an angel in my head for weeks without knowing."

"At least it didn't make you puke every few minutes."

It's slow in coming, but when a smile graces Sam's face and a small laugh bubbles up out of him Dean finally breathes easy. Finally.

They're going to be okay. And yeah, tomorrow isn't going to be a picnic. And they'll probably always wonder 'what if,' but it'll just be a passing thought because they'll know they did the right thing for everyone involved.


End file.
